Famed runaway spotted floating down Mississippi with fugitive African-American immigrant agricultural worker
Lovable scamp Huckleberry Finn, whose childhood adventures were memorialized by best-selling American author Mark Twain, was shot dead by Missouri police today.
Huckleberry (“Huck”) Finn, of unknown age and residence, was observed by state troopers floating down the Mississippi River on a stolen wooden raft. He was accompanied by a dark-skinned, African-American immigrant agricultural worker known only as “Jim,” who reportedly fled the scene.
Police said both men were “persons of interest” in connection with several robberies, breaking and entering a Mississippi steamboat, and associating with notorious conman, Thomas J. Sawyer.
Mr Sawyer, who gained national attention when he tricked his friends into whitewashing a fence, later faked his own death and even attended his own funeral disguised as a female.
Sawyer noted in an interview that Finn had been “a good friend, sort of, though he still owes me my share of Injun Joe’s money. Let’s hope Judge Thatcher handles the matter.”
Missouri police said that Finn and his dark companion were spotted on the raft with what appeared to be a sniper’s rifle. Subsequent investigation identified it as a bamboo fishing pole, though in the twilight, police said, “it was unfortunately but understandably mistaken for a fully loaded AR-15 or even a Kalashnikov.”
When hailed by the troopers, Finn “waved back in a threatening and aggressive manner” and began paddling furiously. The African-American immigrant agricultural worker quickly dived into the water and swam to the opposite shore.
Finn was immediately shot dead by the officers, who feared for their lives. The fishing pole was impounded and, according to forensic investigators, was indeed equipped with “lethally sharp hooks” and a length of old twine that “could easily have been used to strangle anyone in authority.”
Two dead fish were also impounded.
Interviewed on Fox News tonight, strikingly beautiful Kellyanne Conartist said that Huckleberry Finn was “clearly no angel,” as his chronicler, Twain, had repeatedly admitted. Also his father, Pap Finn, she said, was a well-known bad egg, so guilt by association. The only sad thing was that he was white, since the police are supposed to only shoot black people.
It was his own fault, however, for associating with a Negro and repeatedly refusing to turn over “his friend, the fugitive” to authorities. Indeed he had famously announced his willingness to “go to Hell” for not doing so.
“Well, I guess he’s there now,” she added, flashing her dazzling, Colgate smile.